My Aunt Hazel

My Aunt Hazel, my mom's older sister, died recently. I wasn't able to attend the funeral, so I sent this rememberance. I wanted to share it here because words are the only way people stay alive.
In 1982, when I was 16 and had just graduated from high school, Aunt Hazel generously offered to let me come and stay with her and Uncle Jim for a month in their San Diego home. Or maybe my mom just shipped me off to settle an old debt. I can’t be sure.
Anyway, we had wonderful adventures, and I absorbed some great lessons. She taught me how to pronounce La Jolla, how to eat Mexican food, and how to pick a man. She took me to Tijuana to see a Jai Lai game and to Reno to gamble. She tried to take me to Lake Tahoe, but the mountain road washed out right in front of us. A tree came down the mountain in a torrent of water and just ripped a massive chunk of asphalt from the road and continued down the rest of the mountain. I was terrified. But she just whipped her block-long Cadillac around in no time flat and reversed course. I think I learned a lot about handling adversity on that day.
I’m sure she took me to museums and the symphony and all that cultural stuff. But it’s the junk food, gambling and border crossing I remember. And California lunches – shrimp salad in an avocado half. Mmmmmm. And driving through the desert, getting sleepy from the heat. I don’t think there is another 30 day period in my life I remember with such crystal clarity.
But I should return to the “how to pick a man” advice. I had never dated before visiting California, so I needed some advice. Out of the blue, and unsolicited, as if she had a list she needed to check this bit of advice off of, she told me: “You do the choosing.” She wasn’t wordy with her advice. Thanks to that nugget, I never went out with a man I didn’t want, and I picked the husband I have today. I am so grateful.
She gave me confidence and love and she made me strong. A girl’s mother cannot do that alone. Some other grown woman, hopefully an aunt, needs to pitch in. Aunt Hazel did her niece-raising duty with no evidence of strain. In fact, she seemed to have fun too.
All this taught me how to treat my own nieces. Well, Aunt Shirley was a pretty good role model for that too, but I don’t think she’d mind sharing the credit. And I’ve seen my mom do it for her nieces. But Aunt Hazel did it for me when I was a teenager. That couldn’t have been easy. I have a wonderful relationship with two of my nieces – who of course come from Rob’s side of the family since I am an only child. Rob and I have provided a safe haven for each of them in turn when they needed it, and I love them fiercely just because I am their aunt, and I know my job. They are also wonderful people, but you shouldn’t have to be great people or even good people for family to love you.
I learned a lot from Aunt Hazel, and I will always be grateful to have had the time I did with her. As I grew up, I learned we had different opinions about a lot of things. That caused some friction when I was in my annoying twenties. But we got through it.
I tried to pay her back a little in 2001 when I was on a business trip to San Diego. We went to the Hotel del Coronado and had a spectacular meal. I think I still have a photo from then, but I don’t know where it is. I have it in my mind’s eye, though, and it is how I will remember a woman who was kind to me and taught me so much. Part of how I try and live my life is in tribute for what she did for me twenty-eight years ago.